Swift kick in the…

What is it about break-ups that inspire ours ex’s to suddenly get it together and make all those changes that they never made when they were with us? The classic get in shape- look hot change is one thing- I can deal with that, yes it stings to suddenly see your ex’s sans his beer gut but still I can get past it. I’m talking the major take a stand issues that they were not willing budge on when together that they suddenly do a 180 on and leave us feeling like we have been kicked in the gut and asking why couldn’t he/she do that when we were together?

One of my girls invested so many years with a guy that day in and day out told her he didn’t believe in marriage, liked his long hair(from his hippie days) and wasn’t sure he ever wanted to have kids. She finally has moved on and is engaged to a wonderful man, but I have to say I nearly fell off my stilettos the other night when I ran into him. First I didn’t recognize him because of his neat and clean hair and face, but second the shit-ass grin on his face told it all as I followed his arm down and noticed not only shiny new wedding ring but the glowing pregnant woman he was holding hands with! Talk about a 180- marriage and impending fatherhood suit him almost as nicely as his hair cut and clean shave!

That really kinda had me rattled that such a major shift had happened in such a short time- well I guess not so short- clearly at least months.

And then last night I found out that my ex, after several years of false promises and complaining, has gotten it all together and is thriving. Years of complaining about how much he hated his job and just a few months out and he quits his job and starts his own business- that is no doubt killing it in this miserable economy. I am thrilled for him but seriously- why could he have not done that while we were together- maybe it would have changed things if he was happier with that part of his life- and maybe it wouldn’t.

I can’t sit here and wallow in wondering why and why not- it didn’t work when we were together and there were way too many Red Flags and as my friend who gave me the scoop said- When I broke it off I gave him the kick in the ass he needed. So there we have it- best of luck to him but it has gotten me thinking about all the kicks I have doled out over the years…

Apparently I have a magical kick- at last count I have something like 11 ex’s that married (or are engaged to) the girl they dated after me! My high school boyfriend married the very next girl he dated, several of my college boyfriends married the girl right after me so I guess I should hold my breath and wait for the big news that my latest ex will soon be diamond shopping as well…

So instead of drowning in my sorrows and having a diamond-less pity party I extend the invitation- ladies- you want to get married- watch out for my castoffs- as the odds show clearly I screw them up so bad or scare them somehow that the next sane willing girl they find they slip a ring her finger and hold on for dear life